Cochonfucius was again discussing
Westerners and animals with the priest of
Eastern Hill. This time, they considered cases of animals used by Heaven to bring
punishment upon people who deserved it.
The Master asked about examples. The priest respectfully answered by telling a
short tale.
"An anthropomorphic animal was sitting behind bars. Many wives and maidens had come
from the nearby villages, to admire one of its anatomical features."
"Which one?", the Master asked.
"My mother, the priest answered, forbids me to name it. Moreover, the situation was
suddenly modified. The door of the animal's prison was not well locked, so it
opened. The anthropomorphic animal, rushing outside, yelled that it was to lose it this
same day."
"What was it supposed to lose?"
"Well, its virginity. Being nearly human, such matters greatly troubled
its mind. When the maidens and wives perceived the animal's desire, they quickly
took their leave. Interested as they were in their previous observation, they
declined, however, to actually experience any contact with the beast."
"Just like the old man who liked to see painted dragons, and was
frightened to death when he saw one for real."
"Not everyone was fleeing. One of the wives, or let us say a widow, being
over a century of age, considered it unlikely that the animal could be attracted.
Not only, said she, was it unlikely: but the idea was not so repulsive, after all.
Near her stood a young judge in honorific dress, who considered that he could never
be mistaken for a female anthropomorphic animal. But he was later proved wrong.
May I ask you, Master Cochonfucius, if you had a choice of raping either a
judge or a female ancestor, which one would you prefer?"
The Master said: "If Heaven submitted me to such a predicament, I would
surely opt for the old woman".
The priest remarked: "These anthropomorphic animals are well-endowed in
certain regards, but they can show neither good taste nor common sense. Therefore,
instead of choosing the old lady, as you and I would have done, it pinched the
judge's ear and disappeared with him somewhere in a thicket."
"And what followed?"
"Unfortunately, I cannot tell you that. It would have been pleasant,
though. The judge, at a crucial moment, made childish calls and cried as loud as
the man whom he sentenced to death, this very day."
The Master observed: "If I was a Westerner, I would compose
a song about
it".
